A few years ago people all over the world were commemorating the liberation of the Auschwitz concentration camp. As I watched the TV coverage of the event, I was reminded of one of those who survived their experiences at Auschwitz, Dr. Victor Frankl. Frankl was a prominent psychiatrist before the war but in the Auschwitz concentration camp he was just another prisoner. His wife, parents and brother all died in the same camp, and Frankl himself was tortured and terrorized. His very life was in the hands of his captors. He suffered indescribable horrors and hardships and yet, one day sitting naked in a punishment cell, he began to discover what he called “the last of the human freedoms.” While his captors could control his body, his physical environment, and his fate, there was one thing they could not control - his ability to decide how these things would affect him. Although the guards and the commandant could create the stimulus, he could decide the response. He could choose to succumb to anger, misery or hopelessness or he could transcend the conditions of his imprisonment. Frankl spent hours planning lectures he would give on his release. He remembered past happy times, he began to discipline his responses and to focus on the things he could do in his situation to make his life, and the life of others more bearable. Over time, as Frankl exercised his power to choose, he began to realize that he had more "freedom" than his captors - they might control his body but he could control his mind. He became a quiet inspiration for the other prisoners and even some of the guards began to sense the strength and inner peace he radiated. They began coming to him with questions, looking for the answers he had found.
Although most of us do not have to deal with the extreme conditions that Frankl suffered, we can use some of the same principles to create a more positive world for ourselves. What Frankl, and many others, believe is that we have the power to choose how we will respond to the events that happen in our lives. This may seem like a strange concept since most of the time we seem to react automatically. At tax time I resent the amount I have to pay. If my team wins, I'm ecstatic. If they lose, I'm depressed. These don't seem like choices. At the same time I realize, though, that I didn't always respond this way. There was a point in time that I learned these feeling responses. Some of the things I learned work well for me. If someone does or says something nice for me I say "Thank you" automatically. Some things don't work well however. If my boss criticizes me, I feel the same way I did when my Dad used to scold me as a child. The response was probably appropriate back then but it sure doesn't work for me now. Many of us are still rebelling against our parents the same way we did as teenagers! Some of us still carry around the negative labels we picked up as toddlers.
We learned many of our automatic responses as children and these responses worked to some extent or we wouldn't have adopted them. If our family life was appropriate then we would have picked up many responses that could still serve us today. In a dysfunctional environment, however, we will have picked up automatic patterns that don't work out in the "real" world.